she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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