He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
