he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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