Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
