How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
