I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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