I didn't shave. On purpose
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
