his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
