well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
