Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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