Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
