genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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