I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
