just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
