Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
