i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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