I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
