who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
