Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
