she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
