Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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