I wish my penis had an off switch
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
