Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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