We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
