She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
