Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
