47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
