Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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