I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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