Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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