i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
