Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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