My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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