We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
