I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
