sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
