Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
