Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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