when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
