i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Green mimosas i think yes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
