But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
