Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
