Got a toothbrush?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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