my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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