But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
