I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
