chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
