we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
