Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
