Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
