THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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