My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There r osticjed everywhere
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
