At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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