Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
